A tu lado

Just got back from Spain – details on other pages – isn’t Spanish TV fabulous? There is no logical reason I like it; as its comprised almost entirely of the things I despise most; fake-celebrity worship and general tittle tattle – but somehow its so bad its good.

The apex of this dross is ‘A tu lado’ on channel 5 at 7.00 pm and I urge you to watch it when next in Spain.

A typical show would start off with some covert footage of a couple of minor celebrities doing something in the street, we then cut back to the studio where a sofa-full of over made up tarts (lots of hair flicking) and silly old queens pass judgment on the scene – acting as both judge and jury – all in front of a live audience; who contribute jeers at appropriate points.

They all get worked up into a jolly old state; lots of shouting and screaming like a bunch of fishwives; and the favourite conclusion is that the person captured on film should now come forth and publicly declare that what we have espied is in fact so… ignoring completely the alternative possibility that we can f*** off and go to hell.

A further twist, is that the opinion of the public at large is then sought, via the use of roving reporters – bloody hell; if you thought all the Spanish were stylish, prepare for a shock.

Well, marvelous as this all is; I think they should go further, after the witches and bitches on the sofa, and the public have had their say; we should move to a phone vote and if it goes the wrong way, then the unsuspecting party would be stoned to death – no charges could be brought, because we had all voted.

Later the action moves to some sort of ‘big brother’ situation; either the real thing or something on an island etc etc… again judgment is passed and decisions made. If you thought that Jade Goody got a pasting, watch this…
It all culminates in a blaze of glory, as of course it all gets so exiting that we run out of time and go to the credits with the harpies vying to get the last word – fantastic.

A tu lado doesn’t have the monopoly on this crap; there is a popular Spanish singer called Isabel Pantoja: who is currently assisting police with their inquiries (she’s in prison) and is being asked to explain how she came by 1.2 m Euro in non sequential notes. How to improve this situation? Get her chauffeur on TV and give him a lie detector test – brilliant.

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